HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

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HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by BC Williams on Thu 03 Jul 2008, 4:35 pm

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*I don't know where this came from, but some is derived from William Safire's Rules for Writers. (Don't forget: this is humor!)


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1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague—they're old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren't necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
17. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
18. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
19. Understatement is always best.
20. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

21. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
22. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
23. The passive voice should not be used.
24. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
25. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
26. Who needs rhetorical questions?
27. Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
28. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
29. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
30. Subject and verb always has to agree.

31. Be more or less specific.
32. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
33. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
34. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
35. Don't be redundant.
36. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
37. Don't never use no double negatives.
38. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
39. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
40. Eschew obfuscation.

41. No sentence fragments.
42. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
43. A writer must not shift your point of view.
44. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
45. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
46. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
47. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
48. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
49. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
50. Always pick on the correct idiom.

51. The adverb always follows the verb.
52. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
53. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
54. And always be sure to finish what


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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Thu 03 Jul 2008, 5:04 pm

Uh,Ok thanks for this little tid bit of information Bev,it was very interesting.
I have learned one thing about it,a dictionary is very useful for words I don't know.

Dori

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by BC Williams on Thu 03 Jul 2008, 5:16 pm

You've got that right! Amazing that most of us have fallen into a few of these writing pitfalls! Making fun of our mistakes though, is a great way to learn . . .

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Thu 03 Jul 2008, 6:10 pm

I hope to learn more as I continue to write,when I misspell a word,I usually say that my brain is a sleep again,or I am being absent minded.

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Tue 05 Aug 2008, 6:18 am

I'm sorry but you lost me at number 6
I just write what I see or feel and if it turns out to be funny all tha better
If I followed rules or guide lines I would never put pen to paper

I appreciate that structure is important But it should be fun most of all

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Tue 05 Aug 2008, 10:58 am

Too Funny Bev!

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Tue 05 Aug 2008, 4:06 pm

Hmmm.. where am I there? I think all hahaha!! thanks Bev for the info..



marivi

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Sun 10 Aug 2008, 6:21 pm

INTERESTING TO READ, BUT NOW I AM MORE CONFUSED AS EVER HOW TO WRITE A PROPER POEM

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by BC Williams on Sun 10 Aug 2008, 6:43 pm

LOL .. . I need to write an article showing some of the main techniques of poetry writing. I hope this humorous list of rules has not confounded anyone,

bev

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Mon 11 Aug 2008, 11:41 pm

No just made me lmbo and make think a little more.

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Wed 13 Aug 2008, 5:29 pm

If you're going to write a poem
then write it from your heart
rules were made to be broken
so be passionate from the start

It's not so much the words
not even if they rhyme
the power is in the emotion
and how you feel at the time

If we all write poetry
the way it's taught in schools
we would all be totally lifeless
So stuff the bloomin rouls



No offence Bev

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Wed 13 Aug 2008, 6:02 pm

...well said PeeWee

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Wed 13 Aug 2008, 7:25 pm

I second that Pee Wee

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Sun 31 Aug 2008, 11:46 pm

great poem mate
bobby

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Sun 31 Aug 2008, 11:49 pm

Ha ha ha Bev This is great, I bloody read all that too ,ha ha , bummer
nice one
bobby xxxxx

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by Guest on Tue 09 Sep 2008, 6:59 am

I love the rules!!!!!!!! Ooops, was that too many exclamation marks?

PeeWee, your poem rules!

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by BC Williams on Tue 18 Nov 2008, 10:19 am

Thanks for the poem, Poeter!

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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by David Williams on Tue 25 Nov 2008, 3:44 pm

In retrospect: I wish that dude was my English teacher.
But in reality, with mortils as I; You drove the nail Pee Wee.
Thanks all & (GB)
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Re: HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

Post by BC Williams on Sun 08 Mar 2009, 5:17 pm

It WAS a spoof, ya'll, lol

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