HUMOR, lol: How To Write Good!

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*I don't know where this came from, but some is derived from William Safire's Rules for Writers. (Don't forget: this is humor!)


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1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague—they're old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren't necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
17. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
18. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
19. Understatement is always best.
20. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

21. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
22. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
23. The passive voice should not be used.
24. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
25. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
26. Who needs rhetorical questions?
27. Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
28. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
29. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
30. Subject and verb always has to agree.

31. Be more or less specific.
32. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
33. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
34. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
35. Don't be redundant.
36. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
37. Don't never use no double negatives.
38. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
39. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
40. Eschew obfuscation.

41. No sentence fragments.
42. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
43. A writer must not shift your point of view.
44. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
45. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
46. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
47. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
48. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
49. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
50. Always pick on the correct idiom.

51. The adverb always follows the verb.
52. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
53. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
54. And always be sure to finish what


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Uh,Ok thanks for this little tid bit of information Bev,it was very interesting.
I have learned one thing about it,a dictionary is very useful for words I don't know.

Dori

You've got that right! Amazing that most of us have fallen into a few of these writing pitfalls! Making fun of our mistakes though, is a great way to learn . . .

I hope to learn more as I continue to write,when I misspell a word,I usually say that my brain is a sleep again,or I am being absent minded.

I'm sorry but you lost me at number 6
I just write what I see or feel and if it turns out to be funny all tha better
If I followed rules or guide lines I would never put pen to paper

I appreciate that structure is important But it should be fun most of all

Too Funny Bev!

Hmmm.. where am I there? I think all hahaha!! thanks Bev for the info..



marivi

INTERESTING TO READ, BUT NOW I AM MORE CONFUSED AS EVER HOW TO WRITE A PROPER POEM

LOL .. . I need to write an article showing some of the main techniques of poetry writing. I hope this humorous list of rules has not confounded anyone,

bev

No just made me lmbo and make think a little more.

If you're going to write a poem
then write it from your heart
rules were made to be broken
so be passionate from the start

It's not so much the words
not even if they rhyme
the power is in the emotion
and how you feel at the time

If we all write poetry
the way it's taught in schools
we would all be totally lifeless
So stuff the bloomin rouls



No offence Bev

...well said PeeWee

I second that Pee Wee

great poem mate
bobby

Ha ha ha Bev This is great, I bloody read all that too ,ha ha , bummer
nice one
bobby xxxxx

I love the rules!!!!!!!! Ooops, was that too many exclamation marks?

PeeWee, your poem rules!

Thanks for the poem, Poeter!

In retrospect: I wish that dude was my English teacher.
But in reality, with mortils as I; You drove the nail Pee Wee.
Thanks all & (GB)

It WAS a spoof, ya'll, lol